


hard to talk (when i'm with you)

by cinderfell



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Desk Sex, F/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Canon, Semi-Public Sex, Under-Desk Blow Jobs, domestic sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 08:04:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderfell/pseuds/cinderfell
Summary: Percy's pretty sure at this point that his wife's favorite hobby is showing up and knocking the breath out of him, one way or another.





	hard to talk (when i'm with you)

**Author's Note:**

> baby's first pwp oops
> 
> also i put way more effort into this than i meant to, as you can probably tell by it being _over 5k words_. this was more or less an experiment to see if i could write smut for more than a paragraph or two and? uh? i suppose the answer is yes?
> 
> i blame the greyskull keep discord

Percy really shouldn’t be all that surprised, and he certainly can’t be upset. It’s really all his fault in the end. His fault that he’s so weak for her and her dark eyes and pretty smile and her sweet words.

Oh. And her coffee. That’s really important too.

Vex sets the mug of coffee in question in front of him with a smile, her free hand coming up to rest on his back.

“You didn’t have to bring me coffee,” he says, even as he reaches out to pick it up.

She smiles knowingly at him. “I didn’t have to, but I still did. I know how tired you get when you do paperwork, especially up here in the castle. You won’t do anybody any good if you fall asleep signing documents.”

He chuckles at that. “Well, you aren’t wrong about that.”

She’s not at all. Percy’s taken to doing most of the paperwork he does in the daytime up in a small office off of the library in the castle, mostly because he’s not fond of people coming in and out of their house so frequently. Vex insists she doesn’t mind, really, but _Percy_ still insists on it anyways.

“Well, of course I’m not wrong.” Smirking, she settles down right on his lap. “When am I ever wrong?”

“Occasionally, but you’re always right when it matters.” He wraps an arm around her waist.

“Smart answer,” she says, and leans forward to kiss him, tasting of the sweet berries she sometimes snacks on when she goes out on patrols in the woods.

He smooths a hand across her leg, feeling the soft, smooth fabric of the dress she wears. It’s light, not any of the stiff, heavy, corseted ones she wears for more formal events and meetings. The color reminds him of her feathers, a gentle teal blue.

“Is this new?” he asks as he tries to pull away, but Vex catches the back of his neck and holds him in place, his question coming out pressed between their lips. He runs his hand down the fabric of the skirts in emphasis.

Vex immediately lights up. “It is! Isn’t it lovely? It just showed up at the house a little bit ago after the seamstress finished it. I was so excited to find it there when I got home from my patrols that I put it on as soon as I bathed.”

A thought occurs to Percy. “Dear, be honest. Did you come up here to bring me coffee and check on me, or did you come up here to show off your new dress?”

Feigning offense, Vex claps a hand over her heart and gasps. “Why, Percival! How rude! I come here out of the goodness of my heart with coffee just the way you like it and you make these accusations?”

He smirks. “And I’m grateful, but mostly I just want to know so I can properly appease you with compliments if that’s the case.”

A pause. Vex gives a little shrug and a smile. “A bit of both, if I’m being honest.”

“Ah. Well then, allow me to flatter you to the best of my abilities.” He shifts her in his lap just a little, his arm tightening around her waist as he begins. “My dear, you look absolutely radiant, and not just because you’re the champion of a sun god. You’re a beacon of light all by yourself, a northern star guiding the way. Although perhaps that’s not quite right, because I’m not sure even celestial bodies could compare to yours.”

Vex giggles at his words, resting her cheek against his.

“The dress is a beautiful, especially on you. The color is lovely, but you know that already. You know you look good in blue and gold.” He traces the gold pattern on the hem of her skirt at the mention. “It’s fitting, considering the colors of your family now.”

“Blue and gold.” Vex runs her fingers down the dress. “Silver and white.” A hand raises to her neck, to the silver chain around it that ends in a small sapphire surrounded by whitestone, a gift from him for their first wedding anniversary. She looks down at herself then, frowning slightly. “I’m just missing the lavender.”

“And you call yourself a Lady of Whitestone?” Percy teases, leaning in to kiss his wife’s temple.

Vex rolls her eyes. “Oh, hush. Weren’t you in the middle of complimenting me?”

“I believe I was.” The hand tracing the patterns on her dress raises to her cheek, running his fingers along the sharp angles of her face before tracing her jawline to one of her pointed ears, tucking a loose curl behind one of them. “Perhaps I’ll get you something lavender to wear with this dress? Something for your hair? You do look lovely with feathers. Maybe I’ll get you lavender feathers with a whitestone hairpiece? Like the one with the whitestone and white feathers that Cass and I got you--”

“--for our wedding day,” she finishes, her smile softening. “I still love that so much.”

He kisses her gently. “I do too.”

She giggles against him, fingers walking up him until they settle on the sides of his face. “Well, I certainly feel special and lovely now.”

“As you should,” he says earnestly, because he’s spent the entire time he’s known her trying to make sure she feels beautiful and loved and he has no intention of stopping now.

Thoughtfully, Vex releases his face and touches some of the paperwork on his desk. Most of it is done by now, luckily, but there’s still a bit left. Suddenly, Vex’s soft expression turns into a smirk, a visible shift occurring in her demeanor as her gaze flickers back to look at him, her eyelashes fluttering as she tilts her head.

“You’ve been working so hard today, darling,” Vex coos, smoothing a hand down the front of his chest. “Surely you must be in need of a break to relax for a little while.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Uh, well, actually I’ve had a rather light workload today, even for me--”

He’s cut off by his wife wiggling in his lap in a very purposeful way, stirring interest in him immediately. She smirks as she feels his obvious response, even through their layers of clothes.

“Oh,” he says. “ _That_ kind of break.”

“ _That_ kind of relaxation,” Vex confirms, and wiggles again, giving him just a hint of the friction that he’s suddenly craving. “I think you’ve earned it.”

“I-- well, you know I won’t, ah, argue with you.”

“Smart man,” Vex says, eyes glittering now as she pulls off his lap. He opens his mouth to protest but is quickly silenced by her dropping to her knees in front of his chair, half-beneath his desk. She reaches up and makes quick work of his belt with those slender, dexterous hands of hers, her expression absolutely devious now. “This seems like a good treat, don’t you think?”

Percy clears his throat, suddenly finding his brain struggling for words. “Yes, dear.”

She lights up, groping at him through his pants and finding him already starting to show interest just from the promise of what’s to come. He jerks at the barest hint of her touch, making her laugh sweetly before she pulls her hands away from rubbing at him and begins unbuttoning his pants, and in a few short seconds she’s pulled him out, her hand unbelievably warm against him.

“Oh, _darling_ ,” she breathes, voice low as she strokes him slow and good the way she knows drives him crazy. Fast and hard is always good, of course, and Vex often ends up defaulting to that, but Percy is nothing if not one for slowing things down and just… enjoying everything she’s willing to give him. His hips roll against her, trying to match her strokes. “You needed this didn’t you?”

Her thumb rubs circles over the head of him, making him moan and tilt his head back as she giggles and leans down to lap at the tip with her tongue, his hips canting at the sudden pleasure. When he looks back down at her, she bats her eyelashes at him again.

“You needed _me_ , didn’t you, Percy?”

He groans. _“Yes.”_

Pleased by his agreement, Vex parts her lips and takes most of him into her mouth in one fell swoop. It’s enough to make Percy yelp, one of his hands jolting to her hair so he can tangle his fingers between the heavy sections of her braid. He doesn’t push her, just lets her go about bobbing her head and taking him at her own pace, but it’s nice to have that anchor. It feels very much like an attempt to hold on for dear life.

His other hand settles in her hair too, and she looks up with her mouth full of him and _smiles_ around it and he’s almost gone in that moment, his fingers tightening as he loses himself in those familiar dark brown eyes.

And then the door handle clicks and starts to open.

Vex pulls him out of her mouth and they both freeze for a second, just looking at each other-- blue into brown-- before Percy’s body acts on instinct, shoving his chair as far under his desk as he can fit it and obscuring Vex entirely, trapped beneath the desk. He frees his hands from her hair, settling one on his desk and picking a pen up with it to feign the look of work while the other clenches onto a fist on his thigh.

In steps a short human man with kind but perpetually watery eyes and a round face, a man Percy recognizes instantly as a member of the council elected to represent the farming communities of Whitestone. His poor, poor frazzled brain is unable to remember the man’s name at the moment, which Percy feels isn’t too awful of him given the rather unique and stressful circumstances.

“Lord de Rolo,” the man says, giving a polite little half-bow of respect. “If you have a moment, I’d like to ask you about something for the next council meeting.”

“Councilman,” Percy acknowledges, voice strained. He clears his throat and blinks rapidly, trying to clear the fog from his mind, trying to ignore that he can feel Vex muffling her breathing against his leg.

So. The thing is, Percy really, really doesn’t want to entertain the councilman in his current state, especially not with Vex crammed under his desk. But on the other hand, Percy really doesn’t like the idea of just turning the councilman away, not because he doesn’t want to be an asshole (he legitimately doesn’t care) but because he knows the information will find it’s way to Cassandra and she will chew him out.

Well, anything is more appealing than an angry Cassandra.

(Also, he really should have a talk with everybody about walking in without knocking, but to say he doesn’t have the time or patience to do that one on one right now is an understatement.)

“I have a moment,” Percy says, and Vex shifts so she’s resting her cheek against him. “Just a moment, though. I’m rather tied up at the moment.”

Vex pinches his leg under the table, which he assumes is meant to be a placeholder for some terrible joke, most likely about how while he isn’t tied up now, she’ll be glad to tie him up later. (He’s heard the exact same joke from her before. It’s one of her favorites. It absolutely should not be as endearing as it is.)

“Ah! Don’t you worry, I’ll be quick. I have to go home and see my wife soon, after all,” the councilman says, clapping his hands together.

“As do I,” Percy agrees, and Vex rubs her cheek against him affectionately, almost like she doesn’t want him to forget she’s there.

Percy most certainly has not forgotten.

The councilman launches into a speech, one that has far too much exposition for Percy’s current tastes. Quite frankly? Percy zones out. He zones out hard. He really does try his best to listen, but it’s hard when his entire mind is protesting the situation at hand. At the very least, Percy schools his expression into one of interest, one that makes it seem like he’s listening and comprehending what’s being said to him.

Beneath the desk, Vex takes his cock in hand once more and begins to nuzzle it.

 _Oh_ , Percy thinks, dumbfounded.

She is _not_ about to do what he thinks she’s about to.

Except she does.

He feels a gentle kiss pressed to the tip of him, her lips soft and breath hot against the sensitive skin. Then, lightly, ever so lightly, the soft, wet feeling of the tip of her tongue tracing circles around the head consumes him. His hand tightens on the table, a hissing breath escaping from between his lips.

Well. This certainly complicates things.

The councilman seems unbothered and rattles on about something or another, and his muddled brain eventually manages to get the gist of it, that it’s about the viability of cutting down parts of the Parchwood and turning it into more farmland, which Percy imagines Vex will have something to say about in the next council meeting when her mouth isn’t, ah, _occupied_. As is, Vex’s tongue works away at him, that clever mouth of hers absolutely unrelenting given the current circumstances. She’s trying to be quiet and he can tell, and he is incredibly grateful for it, but it does little to take away from what she’s doing.

Percy takes deep breaths as the councilman speaks, deeper than usual, trying his best to regulate his breathing so his arousal isn’t as apparent. Either he’s doing a fairly good job or the councilman is a bit daft --or he just didn’t think his Lord and Lady would ever do anything like this and so the thought that something is going on hasn’t even crossed his mind, which is… fair-- but he seems to be in the clear. He quietly thanks all of his etiquette classes when he was younger and the upbringing that taught him how to wear a mask even when bothered, when angry, and apparently when his wife is under his desk being absolutely _awful_.

“Do you have any opinions on my proposal, my Lord?” the councilman asks, hands clasped in front of him with a smile.

Percy takes another deep breath. “My opinion is that my wife may have some arguments, but that can happen at the next meeting.”

At the mention of her, Vex presses hot, open-mouthed kisses against his length.

 _Okay_ , Percy thinks as his mind starts to go fuzzy and warm around the edges, losing himself in the pleasure she’s giving him. _I can handle this. I just have to look in control. I have to be completely unbothered._

He leans back in his seat a bit, trying to emulate an air of calmness, and that’s his fatal mistake. As he leans back, it gives him just enough space beneath the desk to catch sight of two dark brown eyes glimmering with mischief as a pink tongue runs up the underside of him, one eye closing in a wink as his gaze briefly meets hers and she closes her wet, warm mouth around the head of his cock and hollows her cheeks.

He reacts instantly, less at her mouth and more at _her eyes_ , his hips jolting forward as one of his hands slams down onto his desk, sending things on the tabletop scattering.

The poor councilman jumps about a foot in the air, his eyes wide as he looks at Percy. “M--my Lord? Are you alright?”

Through gritted teeth, he manages, “I’m fine. I just remembered that I have business to attend to that I’ve forgotten about. Business. Serious business. Important, time-sensitive business.”

He’s no longer looking down at Vex but now fixing his gaze somewhere over the councilman’s shoulder as he tries to ignore the sensation of her lips around him, of her tongue lavishing him with attention.

“Time-sensitive?” The councilman repeats slowly, before suddenly straightening up and clasping his hands behind his back, looking embarrassed, as if he’s worried about distracting from said business. “Well, by all accounts! I won’t take up anymore of your time.”

“Thank you,” Percy says, and Vex’s tongue does something absolutely wicked in response, making the hand clenching and unclenching on his thigh move into her hair, half as a warning and half as a reflex to hold her there. He hopes he’s at least somewhat subtle with the gesture, but honestly he’s so far gone at this point he can’t be sure.

“My Lord.” And with that, the councilman gives a quick bow and steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

They wait a moment, Vex’s mouth still absently around him and Percy frozen in place, deathly quiet. Footsteps lead away from the door, then nothing.

Vex slips him out of her mouth with a soft _pop_ , still holding him loosely around the base. “Well, that certainly was a thing.”

Percy groans loudly and gets to his feet, pulling out of Vex’s grasp and tucking himself away hastily before walking to the door. Walking there, by the way, is immensely uncomfortable in his current state and it feels more like a waddle. He pretends he can’t hear her giggling as he steps up and locks the door, double and triple checking it’s actually locked this time before he lets himself take a deep breath.

He leans his forehead against the cool wood of the door and tries to regain his composure, timing his breathing until it starts to regulate again. He stays there for a few moments before he finally turns back and instantly all of his composure fails again.

Vex sits on his desk now, her eyes glittering at him and her lips flushed and slick, one hand raised to run a thumb over the bottom one. When she notices his eyes are on her again, her mouth cracks into a massive grin.

He just stares at her like she’s some sort of otherworldly creature.

“What’s wrong, Percy?” she asks, more than a little smugly. “Cat got your tongue?”

“ _You_ ,” Percy accuses finally.

“ _Me_ ,” Vex agrees gleefully.

He crosses the room, trying his best to ignore the strain in his pants as he steps towards her again. Vex’s smile, so bright and beautiful, turns absolutely devilish as he approaches. And then she raises a hand towards him, crooking a finger at him and beckoning him closer. It’s like she tugs at his very being, and with that he practically falls over himself in his attempt to close the distance between them.

When he reaches her, he wastes no time as he buries his face in the side of her neck, breath hot against her skin. He feels her shiver in his arms, one of her hands coming up to rest in his hair and gently stroke. “You’re absolutely insufferable,” he mumbles into her neck, and she laughs sweetly.

“How ungrateful!” Her fingers tighten in his hair as her laugh fills his head, his heart, his entire being with warmth. “And after I gave you such a delightful treat, too.”

He pulls back to look at her, trying his best to muster up a stern expression and utterly failing because he can’t stop thinking about how lovely she is and how much he loves her. “Your ‘treat’ probably would’ve ended in a lot of awkward council meetings for the rest of our lives if we were caught.”

Smile widening, Vex reaches up with the hand not in his hair and bops him lightly on the tip of his nose with one finger. “But we weren’t caught! And now that door is locked and you--”

She presses her knee against his cock through his trousers and he groans in response, dropping his face back down into her neck and grinding against her knee for the friction again.

“--are obviously in dire need of some assistance.” She pulls his head back to look at her again using the hand in his hair, her eyes absolutely wicked. “Luckily, I’m here and eager to assist, my darling.”

“How generous of you to finish what you started,” he says, voice rough and low. Vex, despite her sly smoothness, visibly shivers at the drop in his voice. He smirks slightly .

“Well, it’s only fair.” She reaches down and starts pulling at the bottom of her dress, and with his help they hitch her skirts up until they’re over her hips. Now with more freedom of movement, she lets her thighs spread further apart. Without thinking, Percy steps forward to fill the space, tugging her closer to the edge and closer to him so he can press against her through her underthings, already damp from playing with him and the tension of being walked in on. She moans as he rolls his hips, momentarily losing herself in the friction even through the fabric. He drops his head to press a kiss against her cheek, finding pleasure in this small revenge even if it’s nowhere near what she just did. Finally Vex puts a hand on his chest and pushes him back, just a little bit, and tilts her hips up. “Unless you plan on both of us finishing before the fun part, I really do suggest you help me get rid of these and drop your own.”

“Every part of this is fun as long as it’s with you,” he says in a lilting voice that makes her roll her eyes-- a visible flush spreading across her cheeks nonetheless-- but still he reaches forward and hooks his thumbs in the sides of her panties and pulls them down from her hips and down the long curve of her legs, stopping every few inches to press a kiss against the flesh now bared to him with her skirts pushed up. Her breath quickens, one hand settling on his shoulder as he trails kisses across her. Finally, he pulls them off her and sets them on the far corner of his desk, out of reach but still in sight so they won’t forget them.

Percy’s already had enough embarrassment, he really would hate to forget about his wife’s undergarments in his office and have some poor servant find them.

Vex’s hands reach forward and make quick work of unbuttoning his pants and pushing them down around his ankles, freeing him yet again. He didn’t bother buckling his belt again when he got up to lock the door, already having a bit of an idea that Vex’s fun little detour to his office wasn’t done yet.

He’s midway through getting to his knees and putting his mouth between her thighs, wanting nothing more than to taste her, when Vex puts one hand against his forehead and pushes him, stopping his descent. He makes a sound of confusion and tries to move downward again, stopped by her hand for a second time.

“Vex?” Percy squints around the hand consuming much of his vision at his wife, who’s looking at him in amusement.

“Darling, we both know you won’t last if you go down on me now.” She gestures at his cock, straining towards his stomach and leaking. He makes an offended noise and she just smiles, leaning forward so she can press a kiss to the top of his head. “I say that with nothing but love in my heart because I admire your enthusiasm about eating me out, but I know full well that you can and will come just from that.”

“I--” he starts, brow scrunching together as he squints at her before he decides to drop it with a long sigh. “That’s… fair.”

Her hand moves to grab him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him back up to meet her lips in a hot, open-mouthed kiss. She nips at his bottom lip playfully and he can’t stop himself from smiling into her kiss, pushing forward to press against her harder, his tongue slipping into her mouth as one of his hands pushes into the dark braid beginning to fall apart, the other--

He jolts, his hips jerking as Vex wraps her hand around his cock and gives him a firm stroke. Percy _whines_ at her touch, surprised and unable to hold those noises back as he thrusts up into the circle of her hand, smearing the slick gathering at the head down his length. His other hand grips the edge of the desk hard.

“Ooh, darling!” Vex coos in delight, dark eyes widening as she licks her lips at his response to her touch. “I knew you were worked up, but this bad?”

She twists her hand to prove her point, and she damn well makes it. Percy practically keens at the feeling, and for a moment he’s worried he’s about to spill all over her hand.

Luckily, Vex seems to understand, hooking one of her legs around his waist and pulling him closer until the head of him nestles between her slick folds. She lets out a breathy laugh at the feeling, tilting her hips a bit more and guiding him through a few rolls of his hips before they’re both breathing heavily and trembling, one of her hands now moving to ball up the fabric at the front of his shirt in her fist.

“Please,” he begs, because as good as this feels he knows that she’s right and that he won’t last in this state.

Smiling, Vex cups his jaw in one hand and pulls him into a kiss while the other lines him up, her legs spreading just a little bit more. “Come on, Percival, don’t leave your wife waiting.”

Permission granted, that’s all the encouragement he needs to press his hips forward, relishing the slow stretch of her around him as he slips into her. Her breath hitches as he fills her entirely, her thighs twitching.

“I, ah, don’t-- I don’t think I’ll leave you waiting much longer at all,” he admits, not with how good she feels. He leans forward to rest his forehead against hers. At this angle, his glasses begin to slip down the bridge of his nose.

With shaky hands, she reaches up and pushes them back up again, a small smile on her face. They’re rather inconvenient and they both know it, but-- well, Percy like to watch what he’s doing to her, likes to see how much she’s enjoying it. She presses a soft kiss to the tip of his nose, then one to his lips. “That’s alright, darling.” Her smile widens. “We’ll just have to make it good, yes?”

He nods, leaning in to kiss her again, a real kiss this time, deep and long and with an almost fever to it.

Her hands curl into the fabric of his shirt again and she rolls her hips against him, a long moan escaping her lips as her head falls back while Percy’s falls forward more, his hips jerking forward in response. They fall into an ebb and flow, Vex’s hips working to meet him at every thrust as they rock against each other, the pace they set starting off languid and sweet and eventually growing more and more intense.

Vex begs and demands in equal measure, telling him what she wants in half-stuttered words that he’s all too happy to oblige.

With the excitement from all the teasing, neither of them are going to last very long and he knows it. Vex had teased him about being worked up but now it’s impossible not to notice how she trembles at every thrust, every time her eyes rolls back a little as he hits that place inside of her the makes her whine. She’s close, impossibly so, but she’s hovering right at the edge and it’s not fair for him to go over that edge without her.

“Percy,” she manages between soft gasps, fumbling for one of the hands on her hips. “I need--”

“I know,” he reassures, voice gravelly as he lets go of her hip to move one hand to where they’re joined.

He presses down hard against her clit, rubbing at it in small, quick circles. It’s exactly what she needs, her back arching at the added pleasure as a high-pitched whine starts to grow from her throat. Her hand moves to grasp at the one he has rubbing between her thighs, her fingers curling around his, following his movements as he continues to touch her while rolling his hips.

“ _Percy_ ,” she says again, and he tightens his grip on her waist and rubs quicker at her and suddenly she’s gone, tightening around him hard enough where it almost hurts as she starts to incoherently babble, the hand grasping his shirt frantically clawing at his chest now as she rolls her hips to meet his, the leg thrown around him trying to bring him closer to her.

Feeling her come undone, seeing her face as that wave crashes over her, is enough to undo him too. He presses himself as deeply into her as he can and pushes his face into the crook of her neck, groaning as he spills inside of her, rutting against her as he works himself through it.

One of her hands finds his hair and begins to card her fingers through it in a soothing manner, her voice hoarse as she continues to babble something that’s beginning to sound more and more like a string of words containing his name and a lot of endearments.

Finally, his hips still.

The hand between her legs that pushed her to completion slides out from between their bodies and joins the other as he wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her into an embrace.

A moment passes of him just holding her before he feels her nuzzle against him with her cheek, her voice more than a little breathless. “Hey, handsome.”

He smiles softly. “Hello, beautiful.”

He can practically hear the sly smile she wears in her voice as she whispers, “Aren’t you glad I came to visit you today?”

A laugh startles from his throat, half-muffled against her neck. “Dearest, you’re awful.”

“I’m awful and you married me because you love it when I’m awful,” she says.

“Well,” he says, pressing a kiss against her neck. “I can’t argue with that.”

“No,” she agrees. “You can’t.”

Another moment passes, the two of them basking in the afterglow as Vex continues to nuzzle him affectionately.

Suddenly Vex goes, “Hey, do you want to, like-- sit down, or something? Because--”

“My legs feel like custard and I’m fairly certain if I stop leaning against you and this desk for even a second, they’re going to give out from under me.”

“Ah.” One of her hands settle back into his hair, petting through it gently. “Well, take your time. You know I don’t mind.”

He presses his face against her more. “You’re wonderful.”

“I thought I was awful?” she teases.

“You’re a multifaceted woman and can be both.”

“Good answer.”

“I try.”


End file.
